Ayesha Hamid (ckeytee) wrote in marriage_islam,
Ayesha Hamid
ckeytee
marriage_islam

Assalamualaykum.. e-book

~*~ E-book : 27 Notes on Marriage & Wedding ~*~

wrote by :

Shaykh Muhammad Naasirudden al-Albaani


All praise is due to Allah, the One who said in the clear verses of His
Book:

"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among
yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put
love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are Signs for
those who reflect".[al-Room 30:21]

May the prayers and peace of Allah be upon His Prophet Muhammad, the
one who said in an authenticated hadeeth : "Marry the loving and fertile,
for I will compete with the other Prophets with the number of my
followers on the Day of Qiyama". [Ahmad and at-Tabaarani with hasan isnaad.
And declared saheeh from Anas by Ibn Hibbaan. And it has witnesses which
will be mentioned in Question 19]

After this opening: There are in Islam, certain etiquettes upon anyone
who marries and wishes to consummate his marriage with his wife. Most
Muslims today, even those who exert themselves in Islamic worship, have
either neglected or become totally ignorant of these Islamic
etiquettes. Therefore, I decided to write this beneficial treatise clearly
explaining these issues on the occasion of marriage of someone dear to me. I
hope that it will be an aid to him and to other believing brothers in
carrying out what the Chief of the Messengers has ordained on the
authority of the Lord of the Worlds. I have followed that by pointing out
certain issues important to every one who marries, and with which many
wives in particular have been tested. I ask Allah Most High to bring
about some benefit from this treatise, and to accept this work solely for
His glorious countenance. Surely, He is the Righteous, the Merciful.

It should be known that there are many etiquettes in the area of
marriage. All that I am concerned with here in this quickly compiled

compiled work is that which is authenticated of the Sunnah of the
Prophet Muhammad, that which is irreproachable from the standpoint of its
chain of narration and upon which no doubt can be cast in terms of its
constructions and meanings. In this way, whoever reads and follows this
information will be on a clearly established basis in religion, and will
have full confidence in the source and validity of his actions. I hope
for him that Allaah will put the final seal of felicity on his life, in
reward for beginning his married life with the following of the Sunnah,
and to make for him among His slaves whose statement He has described
in the Qur'aan saying:


And those who pray, "Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring
who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace)
to lead the righteous."
[al-Furqaan 25:74]


The final disposition of things is for those of pious practice, as the
Lord of the Worlds said:

As to the Righteous, they shall be amidst (cool) shades
and springs (of water). And (they shall have) fruits, - all
they desire. "Eat ye and drink ye to your heart's content:
for that ye worked (righteousness)." Thus do We
certainly reward the Doers of Good.
[al-Mursalaat 77:41-44]

The following then, are those etiquettes:

1. Kindness toward your wife when you wish to enter into her

It is desirable, when one goes into his wife on his wedding night, to
show her kindness, such as presenting her with something to drink, etc.
This is found in the hadeeth narrated by Asmaa' bint Yazid ibn As-Sakan
who said: "I beautified 'As'ishah for Allaah's Messenger, then called
him to come to see her unveiled. He came, sat next to her, and brought a
large cup of milk from which he drank. Then, he offered it to
'Aa'ishah, but she lowered her head and felt shy. I scolded her and said to her:
"Take from the hand of the Prophet." She then took it and drank some.
Then, the Prophet said to her, "Give some to your companion." At that
point, I said: "O Messenger of Allaah, rather take it yourself and drink,
and then give it to me from your hand." He took it, drank some, and
then offered it to me. I sat down and put it on my knees. Then, I began
rotating it and following it with my lips in order that I might hit the
spot from which the Prophet had drunk. Then, the Prophet said about some
women who were there with me: "Give them some." But, they said: "We
don't want it." (ie. we are not hungry). The Prophet said: "Do not
combine hunger and fibbing!" [Ahmad and al-Humaidi. Ahmad reports it with 2
isnaads - one of which supports the other, and it is supported...]"


2. Placing your hands on your wife's head and praying for her

The husband should, at the time of consummating the marriage with his
wife or before that, place his hand on the front part of her head,
mention the name of Allah Most High, and pray for Allah's blessings. As in
the statement of the Prophet: "When any of you marries a woman ... he
should hold her forelock, mention Allah Most High, and pray for His
blessings saying: "O Allaah, I ask You for the good in her and the good with
which You have created her, and I seek refuge in You from the evil in
her and the evil with which You have created her." {Allaahumma innee
as'aluka min khairiha wa khairi maa jabaltaha 'alaihi wa a'oodhubika min
sharriha wa sharri maa jabaltaha 'alaihi} [Aboo Dawood and others.
Al-Bukhari in "Af'aalul-'Ibaad", Aboo Dawood, Ibn Majah, al-Haakim,
al-Baihaqee and Aboo Ya'laa with hasan isnaad ...]


3. The praying of husband and wife together

It is desirable for the husband and wife to pray 2 rakaat together on
their wedding night. This has been narrated from the earliest generation
of Muslims, as in the following 2 narrations:

First: On the authority of Abu Sa'eed Mawla Abu Asyad who said: "I got
married while I was a slave. I invited a number of the companions of
the Prophet, among them was Ibn Mas'ood, Abu Dharr and Hudhaifa. When the
prayer was called, Abu Dharr began to step forward when the others said
to him: 'No!' He said: 'Is it so?' And they said: 'Yes.' Then, I
stepped forward and led the prayer though I was a slave possessed. They
taught me, saying: 'When your wife comes to you, pray 2 rakaat. Then, ask
Allaah for the good of that which has come to you, and seek refuge in Him
from its evil. Then it is up to you and it is up to your wife.'" [Ibn
Abi Shaibah and 'Abdur-Razzaaq]

Second: On the authority of Shaqeeq who said: "A man named Abu Hareez
came and said: 'I have married a young girl, and I am afraid that she
will despise me.' 'Abdullah ibn Mas'ood said to him: "Verily, closeness
is from Allaah, and hatred is from Shaitaan, who wishes to make
despicable that which Allaah has allowed. So, when your wife comes to you, tell
her to pray behind you 2 rakaat.'" In another version of the same
story, "'Abdullah went on to say: 'And say: 'O Allah give Your blessings on
me in my wife, and to her in me. O Allaah join us together as long as
You join us in good, and split us apart if You send to us that which is
better.'" [Ibn Abi Shaibah and at-Tabaraani and 'Abdur-Razzaaq:
Saheeh].

4. What to say at the time of making Love

When a Muslim man is about to enter his wife, he should always say
first:

Bismillahi, Allahumma jannibnaa ash-shaitaan, wa jannib
ash-shaitaan maa razaqtanna

[In the name of Allah, O Allah, keep us away from the devil, and keep
the
devil away from that which You may grant us (ie. offspring).]

About this, the Prophet said: "After that, if Allah decrees that they
will have a child, the devil will

never be able to harm that child". [al-Bukharee][1]


5. How he should come to her

It is allowed for a Muslim man to enter his wife in her vagina from any
direction he wishes - from behind or from the front. About this Allaah
revealed the following verse:

"Your wives are a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth
when or how ye will" [al-Baqarah 2:223]

There are also various hadeeth on this subject, of which I will give
only 2:
On the authority of Jaabir who said: "The Jews used to say that if a
man entered his wife in the vagina but from behind, their child would be
cross-eyed! Then Allaah revealed the verse: "Your wives are as a tilth
unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will;" [al-Baqarah
2:223]. The Prophet said : "From the front or the back, as long as it is in
the vagina". [Al-Bukharee and Muslim]

On the authority of Ibn 'Abbaas who said: "The Ansaar, who had been
polytheists, lived with the Jews, who were people of the book. The former
viewed the latter as being superior to them in knowledge, and used to
follow their example in many things. The people of the book would only
make love to their wives from the side, this being the most modest way
for the woman, and the Ansaar had followed their example in that. These
people from the Quraish, on the other hand, used to expose their women
in an uncomely manner. They took pleasure in them from the front, from
the back, or laid out flat. When the Makkans came to al-Madeenah at the
time of the Hijrah, one of them married a woman from among the Ansaar,
and began doing that with her. She disapproved of it and told him: "We
used only to be approached from the side, so do that or stay away from
me!" This dispute became very serious until it reached the ears of the
Prophet. So Allaah, revealed the verse: "Your wives are as a tilth unto
you, so approach your tilth when or how ye will;" [al-Baqarah 2:223]
(ie. from the front, the back, or laid out flat). What is meant here is
the entry which produces children." [Aboo Dawood, al-Haakim and others:
Hasan isnaad and is supported].


6. The Prohibition of Sodomy

It is forbidden for a Muslim man to enter his wife in her anus. This is
understood from the verse quoted above (i.e. since a "planting ground"
can only refer to a place where something might grow), and from the
narrations cited above. There are also other hadeeth on the subject, among
them:

First: On the authority of Umm Salama who said: "When the Muhajireen
came to Ansaar at al-Madeenah, some of them married women from the
Ansaar. The women of the Muhajireen used to lie on their faces (during
intercourse), while the women of the Ansaar never did it that way. Then, one
of the men of the Muhajireen wanted his wife to do that. She refused
until such time as she could ask the Prophet about it. She went to the
Prophet but was embarrassed to ask the question, and so Umm Salama asked
him. Then the verse was revealed which says: "Your wives are as a tilth
unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will;" [al-Baqarah
2:223]. The Prophet> said: "No! (not any way you wish) Except in one
opening! (ie. the vagina)". [Ahmad, at-Tirmidhee and others : Saheeh]

Second: On the authority of Ibn 'Abbaas who said: "'Umar ibn
Al-Khattaab came to the Prophet and said: 'O Messenger of Allaah, I am
destroyed!' The Prophet asked: 'And what has destroyed you, O 'Umar?' 'Umar said:
`I turned my mount around last night.' (An expression which means he
has sexual intercourse with his wife penetrating the vagina while
mounting her from the rear.) The Prophet gave him no answer and when the
revelation came and the verse was revealed which says: "Your wives are as a
tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will;"
[al-Baqarah 2:223] and the Prophet said: "From the front and from the back, just
beware of her anus and her menses". [an-Nasaa'ee in "`Ishratun-Nisaa"
with hasan isnaad, at-Tirmidhee and others].

Third: On the authority of Khuzaima ibn Thaabit who said: "A man asked
the Prophet about entering women in the rear, or the entering by a man
of his wife in her rear, and the Prophet answered: `Halaal (ie.
permissible).' When the man turned to leave, the Prophet called him or ordered
for him to be called back and said : "What did you say? In which of the
2 openings did you mean? If what you meant was from her rear and in her
vagina, then yes. But if what you meant was from her rear and in her
anus, then no. Verily Allaah is not ashamed of the truth - do not enter
your wives in their anuses!" [as-Shaafi, al-Baihaqi and others: Saheeh]

Fourth: "Allaah does not look at one who comes to his wife in her
anus". [an-Nasaa'ee: Hasan isnaad and supported in "al-'Ishrah";
at-Tirmidhee and Ibn Hibbaan].

Fifth: "Cursed are those who come to their wives in their anuses."
[Aboo Dawood, Ahmad and others with hasan isnaad and is supported].

Sixth: "Whoever has sexual intercourse with a menstruating woman, or a
woman in her anus, or approaches a soothsayer and believes what he is
told has disbelieved in that which was revealed to Muhammad. [Aboo
Dawood, at-Tirmidhee and others: Saheeh].


7. Making Wudhuu' between 2 acts with one's wife

When a Muslim man has had sexual intercourse with his wife in the legal
manner and then wishes to return another time, he should first perform
wudhuu', based on the statement of the Prophet : "When one of you comes
to his wife and then wishes to return another time, let him perform
wudhuu' between the 2 times (In another version, the same wudhuu' which he
performs for prayer) for verily, it will invigorate his
return."[Muslim, Ibn Abi Shaibah and others].


8. Bathing is preferable

Bathing, however, is preferable to merely making wudhuu' in such
situations. Abu Raafi' narrates: "That the Prophet made the rounds of all his
wives one night, bathing in the house of each one. He (i.e. the
narrator) asked the Prophet: "Couldn't you have just bathed once (i.e. at the
end)? The Prophet answered : "This way is purer, cleaner and better".
[Aboo Daawood, an-Nasaa'ee: Hasan in "al-'Ishrah", and others].


9. The Bathing of Husband and Wife together

It is permissible for the husband and wife to bath together in the same
place even though he sees her private parts, and she sees his. This is
established by a number of authentic hadeeth, among them:

On the authority of 'Aa'ishah (radiallahu anha) who said: "I used to
bathe with the Prophet from a single container of water which was placed
between us such that our hands collided inside it. He used to race me
such that I would say: `Leave some for me, leave some for me!' She
added: `We were in a state of Janaba (i.e. the state of having slept
together).'"[Al-Bukharee and Muslim].

On the authority of Mu'aawiya ibn Haida, who said: "I said: `O
Messenger of Allaah, which of our nakedness is allowed, and of which must we
beware?' The Prophet answered, "Guard your nakedness except from your
wife or those whom your right hand possesses." (So it is permissible for
both spouses to look at and touch the body of his or her companion even
the private parts). He said: `O Messenger of Allah, what about if the
relatives live together with each other?' The Prophet answered : "If you
can make sure that no one ever sees your nakedness, then do so." He
said: `O Messenger of Allah, what about when one is alone?' The Prophet
said: "Allah is more deserving of your modesty than are the
people"."[Ahmad, Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhee and others: Saheeh].

10. Making Wudhuu' after Sex and before Sleeping

It is best for husband and wife not to sleep after having sex until
they first perform wudhuu'. There are various hadeeth about this, among
them:

First: On the authority of 'Aa'shah who said: "Whenever the Prophet
wished to sleep or eat while in a state of Janaba (i.e. after having sex
and before bathing), he would wash his private parts and perform wudhuu'
as for prayer." [Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim].

Second: On the authority of Ibn 'Umar who said: "O Messenger of Allah,
should we go to sleep in a state of janaba?" The Prophet answered:
"Yes, after making wudhuu." [Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]. In another version:
"Perform wudhuu' and wash your private parts, and then sleep."
[Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]. And, in another version: "Yes, you can perform
wudhuu', sleep, and bathe whenever you want." [Muslim and al-Baihaqi]. And,
in still another version: "Yes, and perform wudhuu' if you wish." (This
last version proves that this wudhuu' is not obligatory.) [Ibn Khuzima
and Ibn Hibban: Saheeh].

Third: On the authority of 'Ammaar ibn Yaasir, the Prophet said: "There
are three which the angels will never approach: The corpse of a
disbeliever; a man who wears perfume of women; and, one who has had sex until
he performs wudhuu'." [Abu Dawood, Ahmad and others: Hasan].


11. The Ruling of this Wudhuu'

This wudhuu' is not obligatory, but is very highly and definitely
commendable. This (i.e. its not being obligatory) is based on the hadeeth
narrated by 'Umar in which he asked the Prophet: "Should we go to sleep
in a state of janaba?" To which the Prophet answered: "Yes, and perform
wudhuu' if you wish." [Ibn Hibbaan: Saheeh]. This is also supported by
other hadeeth, among them a hadeeth narrated by 'Aa'ishah who said:
"The Prophet used to sleep in a state of janaba without having touched
water, until he would get up later and bathe." [Ibn Abi Shaiba,
at-Tirmidhee, Abu Daawood and others: Saheeh].

In another version narrated by 'Aa'ishah , she said: ""He used to spend
the night in a state of janaba until Bilal came in the morning to make
the adhaan. Then, he would get up, bathe while I looked at the water
dripping from his head, and go out. Then, I would hear his voice in the
Fajr prayer. Then, he would remain fasting." Mutarrif said: "I said to
Aamir: In the month of Ramadhaan?" He said: "Yes, in Ramadhaan and in
other than Ramadhaan." [Ibn Abi Shaiba, Ahmad and others: Saheeh].


12. Making Tayammum in a state of Janaba instead of Wudhuu'

It is also permissible to make Tayammum sometimes instead of wudhuu'
before sleeping. This is based on a hadeeth of 'Aa'ishah in which she
said: "When the Prophet was in a state of janaba and wished to sleep, he
used to make wudhuu' or Tayammum." [Al-Baihaqi: Hasan]


13. Bathing before Sleeping is Preferable

Bathing however, is preferable to any of the above-mentioned
possibilities as is clear in the hadeeth of `Abullaah ibn Qais who said: "I asked
'Ai'ishah : "What did the Prophet do when in a state of janaba? Did he
bathe before sleeping or sleep before bathing?" She answered: "He did
all of those things. Sometimes he bathe and then slept. And sometimes he
performed wudhuu' and then slept." I said: "Praise be to Allah who made
things flexible."[Muslim, Ahmad and Abu `Auwaana].


14. The Prohibition of sex when she is menstruating

It is forbidden for a Muslim man to have sexual intercourse with his
wife when she is menstruating. This is clear in the following verse of
the Qur'an:

"They ask thee concerning women's courses. Say: They
are a hurt and a pollution: So keep away from women in
their courses, and do not approach them until they are
clean. But when they have purified themselves, ye may
approach them in any manner, time, or place ordained for
you by Allah. For Allah loves those who turn to Him
constantly and He loves those who keep themselves pure
and clean." [Al-Baqarah, 2:222]

There are also hadeeth about this, among them:

First: "Whoever has sexual intercourse with a menstruating woman, or a
woman in her anus, or approaches a soothsayer and believes what he is
told has disbelieved in that which was revealed to Muhammad."

Second: On the authority of Anas ibn Malik, who said: "When one of
their women has their period, the Jews used to put her out of the house,
and they would not eat, drink, or sleep with her in the house. The
Prophet was asked about this, and Allaah revealed the verse:

"They ask thee concerning women's courses. Say: They are a
hurt and a pollution: so keep away from women in their courses, ...

Then the Prophet said: "Be with them in the house, and do everything
except for intercourse itself." The Jews said: "This man wants to leave
nothing which we do without doing something different." Then, Asyad ibn
Hudair said: "O Messenger of Allah, verily the Jews says such-and-such,
should we not then have sexual intercourse during menstruation?" The
Prophet's face changed such that they thought that he was enraged with
them, so they left. As they were coming out, they saw a gift of milk
being brought to the Prophet. The Prophet then sent someone after them to
give them a drink of milk, so they felt that he was not actually angry
with them." [Muslim, Abu 'Auwaana and Abu Daawood].



15. The Penitence of One who Has Sex during Menses

Whoever is overcome by desire and has sexual intercourse with his wife
when she is menstruating and before she becomes clean must give the
value of one dinar's weight of gold or about 4.25 grams (4.2315 to be more
precise), or half that amount. This is based on a hadeeth narrated by
'Abdullaah ibn 'Abbaas from the Prophet in relation to one who enters
his wife while she is on her period as follows: "Let him give one dinar
in charity, or one half dinar." [At-Tirmidhee, Abu Dawood, At-Tabaraani
and others: Saheeh].


16. What is Permissible when She is on her Periods

It is allowed for him to enjoy pleasure with his wife in any way except
for her private parts when she is on her period. There are several
ahadeeth about this:

First: "and do everything except intercourse itself." [Muslim, Abu
'Auwaana and Aboo Daawood]

Second: On the authority of 'Aa'ishah who said: "When we were on our
periods, the Prophet used to order us to put on a waist cloth that her
husband can
then lie with her." One time she said: "... her husband can then fondle
and caress her." [al-Bukhaaree, Muslims and others].

Third: On the authority of one of the wives of the Prophet who said:
"When the Prophet wanted something from one of his wives who was on her
period, he put a cloth over her private parts, and then did whatever he
wanted." [Abo Daawood: Saheeh]


17. When is it Allowed to resume Sexual Activity after Menses?

When she becomes clean of any menstrual blood, and the flow stops
completely, it is allowed for them to resume sexual activity after she
washes the place where the blood had been, or performs wudhuu', or takes a
complete bath. Whichever of these three alternatives she does makes it
allowed for them to resume sexual activity, based on Allaah's statement
in the Qur'an:

"But when they have purified themselves, ye may
approach them in any manner, time, or place ordained for you
by Allah. For Allah loves those who turn to Him
constantly and He loves those who keep themselves pure and clean."
[Al-Baqarah 2:222]

This is the position of Ibn Hazm, 'Ataa, Qatadah, al-Awzaa'ee and
Daawud az-Zaahiree and of Mujaahid: as Ibn Hazm says: "All three of these
are a purification - so whichever of them she uses after the cessation of
her periods, then she is lawful for her husband."

The same term is used to mean washing the private parts in the Aayah
revealed concerning the people of Qubaa:

"In it are men who love to be purified; and Allah loves
those who make themselves pure." [at-Tawbah 9:108]

There is nothing here in the Aayah however, or in the Sunnah, to
restrict the Aayah in question to any of the three meanings - and to do so
requires a further proof.



18. The Lawfulness of Coitus Interruptus

(Withdrawl of the penis from the vagina at the time of ejaculation with
the purpose of avoiding impregnation. This can be done only with the
permission of one's wife).

It is allowed for a Muslim man to practice coitus interruptus with his
wife. There are several hadeeth about this:

First: On the authority of Jaabir who said: "We were practicing coitus
interruptus, and the Qur'an was being revealed." [al-Bukhaaree and
Muslim]. In another version, he said: "We used to practice coitus
interruptus in the lifetime of the Prophet. This reached the Prophet, and he did
not prohibit us from doing it." [Muslim, an-Nasaa'ee and at-Tirmidhee].

Second: On the authority of Abu Sa'eed al-Khudhriy, who said: "A man
came to the Prophet and said: "I have a young girl (right-hand
possession), and I practice coitus interruptus with her. I want that which men
want, but the Jews claim that coitus interruptus is minor infanticide."
The Prophet said: "The Jews have lied, the Jews have lied. If Allaah
wished to create a child, you would not be able to prevent it."
[An-Naasaa'ee in al-'Ishrah: Abu Dawood and others: Saheeh].

Third: On the authority of Jaabir, a man came to the Prophet and said:
"I have a slave girl who serves us and waters our date trees. Sometimes
I go to her, but I dislike that she should become pregnant by me". The
Prophet said: "use coitus interruptus if you like, but whatever has
been ordained for her will come." After some time, the man again came to
the Prophet and said: "She has become pregnant!" The Prophet told him:
"I told you that whatever has been ordained for her will come." [Muslim,
Abu Dawood and others].


19. It is Preferable not to Practice Coitus Interruptus.

Not practicing coitus interruptus is preferable for a number of
reasons:

First: It is harmful for the woman, since it reduces her pleasure by
cutting it short. If she agrees to it, it still contains the following
negative points.

Second: It negates part of the purpose of marriage which is enlarging
the Muslim nation through offspring, as in the statement of the Prophet:
"Marry the loving and fertile, for I will compete with the other
Prophets with the number of my followers." [Abu Dawood, an-Nasaa'ee and
others: Saheeh]. This is why the Prophet once referred to it as "minor
infanticide" (and not because it is forbidden as infanticide is forbidden)
when asked about it saying: "That is minor infanticide". [Muslim, Ahmad
and al-Baihaqi]. For this was preferable in the hadeeth narrated by Abu
Sa'eed al-Khudhriy saying: "Coitus Interruptus was mentioned in the
presence of the Prophet and he said: "Why would one of you do that? (note
he did not say "let none of you do that") Allah is the Creator of every
single soul." [Muslim]. In another version, he said: "You act and you
act. There are no people destined to be from now until the day of Qiyama
but that all of them will be." [Muslim]


20. What the two Spouses should Intend with their Marriage

Both spouses should enter into marriage with the following intentions:
freeing themselves of unfulfilled sexual desires, and protecting
themselves from falling into that which Allaah has forbidden (i.e. adultery
and fornication). What's more, a reward as the reward for sadaqa
(voluntary giving of charity) is recorded for them every time they have sex.
This is based on the following hadeeth of the Prophet narrated by Abu
Dharr: "Some of the companions of the Prophet said to him: 'O Messenger
of Allaah, the affluent among us have taken the rewards (of the
hereafter)! They pray as we pray, fast as we fast, and then they give charity
from the surplus of their wealth!" The Prophet said: "Did Allaah not
make for you that from which you can give sadaqa? Verily for every time
you say Subhannallah (Exalted is Allah) there is a sadaqa, and for every
time you say Allahuakbar (Allah is Most Great) there is a sadaqa, and
for every time you say Al-Hamdulillah (Praise is to Allah) there is
sadaqa,
and in every act of enjoining what is right there is sadaqa, and in
every act of forbidding what is wrong there is a sadaqa, and in your
sexual relations there is a sadaqa." The Companions said: "O Messenger of
Allaah , is there a reward for one of us when he satisfies his sexual
desire?" The Prophet said: "Don't you see, if he had satisfied it with
the forbidden, would there not have been a sin upon him?" They said:
"Why, yes! He said: "In the same way, when he satisfies it with that which
is lawful, there is for him in that a reward." [Muslim, an-Nasaa'ee in
al-'Ishrah, and Ahamd].


21. What he should do the Morning After His Wedding Night

It is desirable for the husband to go to his relatives who came to
visit him in his house, on the following morning, to give them greetings
and pray for them. It is also desirable for them to do likewise for him,
as in the following hadeeth narrated by Anas : "The Messenger of Allaah
gave a feast on the morning of his wedding night with Zainab, at which
he fed the Muslims to satisfaction on bread and meat. Then, he went out
to the Mothers of the Believers (i.e. to his other wives), gave them
greetings and prayed for them, which they returned in kind. This is the
way he used to do on the morning after a wedding night." [Ibn Sa'd and
an-Nasaa'ee: Saheeh].


22. The House must have a Place for Bathing

The married couple must have a place to bathe in their house, and the
husband must not allow his wife to go to the public bath houses. This is
forbidden, and there are various hadeeth about it, among them:

First: On the authority of Jaabir who said: "The Prophet said: "Whoever
believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him not allow his wife to go
to the Public baths. Whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let
him not go to the baths except with a waist-cloth. And whoever believes
in Allaah and the Last Day, let him never sit at a table at which
intoxicants are being circulated." [Al-Haakim, at-Tirmidhee and others:
Saheeh]

Second: On the authority of Umm ad-Dardaa' who said: "I came out of the
public bath and I met Allaah's Messenger who said to me: 'From where
have you come O Umm Dardaa'?' I said: 'From the baths'. Then he said: "By
the One in whose hand is my soul, every woman who removes her clothes
anywhere except the house of one of her mothers has torn down all that
veils her before ar-Rahman." [Ahmad : Saheeh]

Third: On the authority of Abu al-Maleeh who said: "Some women from
Ash-Shaam entered upon 'Aa'ishah and said: "Where are you from?" The women
answered: "We are of the people of Ash-Shaam (the area of present-day
Syria)." 'Aa'ishah said: "Are you perhaps from that district which
allows its women to enter the public baths?" The said: "Yes". She said: "As
for me, I heard the Messenger of Allaah say: "Every woman who removes
her clothes other than in her house has torn down all veils of modesty
between herself and Allaah." [at-Tirmidhee, Abu Dawood and others:
Saheeh]


23. The Prohibition of Spreading Bedroom Secrets

It is forbidden for either the husband or the wife to spread any of the
secrets of their bedroom to anyone outside. The following two hadeeth
are about this:

First: "Verily among the worst people before Allaah on the Day of
Judgment is a man who approaches his wife sexually and she responds and then
he spreads her secrets." [Muslim, Ibn Abi Shaiba, Ahmad and others].

Second: "On the authority of Asmaa bint Yazid who narrated "that she
was once in the presence of the Prophet and there were both men and women
sitting. The Prophet then said: "Perhaps a man might discuss what he
does with his wife, or perhaps a woman might inform someone what she did
with her husband?" The people were silent. Then I said: "O, Yes! O
Messenger of Allaah verily both the women and men do that." Then the
Prophet said: "Do not do that. It is like a male shaitaan who meets a female
shaitaan along the way, and has sex with her while the people look on!"
[Ahmad: Hasan or Saheeh due to supports]

24. The Obligation of a Wedding Feast

The husband must sponsor a feast after the consummation of the
marriage. This is based on the order of the Prophet to 'Abur-Rahman ibn 'Auf to
do so, and on the hadeeth narrated by Buraida ibn At-Haseeb, who said:
"When 'Ali sought the hand of Faatimah (the Prophet's daughter) in
marriage, he said that the Prophet said: "A wedding (and in another version
"a bridegroom") must have a feast." The narrator said: "Sa'ad said: '(a
feast) of a sheep.' Someone else said: 'Of such and such a quantity of
corn." [Ahmad and at-Tabaraani: Its isnaad is acceptable as al-Haafiz
Ibn Hajr says in Fathul-Baaree: 9/188]


25. The Sunnah of the Wedding Feast

The following should be observed with regard to the wedding banquet:

First: It should be held ('aqb - Fathul Baaree: 9/242-244) three days
after the first wedding night, since this is the tradition of the
Prophet which has reached us. On the authority of Anas who said: "The Prophet
entered upon his wife and sent me to invite some men for food."
[al-Bukhaaree and al-Baihaqi]. Also on the authority of Anas, he said: "The
Prophet married Safiya, and her freedom was her dowry. He gave the feast
for three days." [Abu Ya'laa and others: Hasan].

Second: One should invite the righteous to his banquet whether they be
rich or poor. The Prophet said: "Do not be the friend of any except
believers, and have only the pious eat your food." [Abu Dawood,
at-Tirmidhee and others: Saheeh].

Third: If one is able, he should have a feast of one or more sheep.
Based on the following hadeeth, Anas said: "Abdur-Rahmaan came to
al-Madeenah, and the Prophet assigned Sa'ad ibn Ar-Rabee' al-Ansaariy as his
brother. Sa'ad took him to his house, called for food, and they both ate.
The Sa'ad said: "O my brother, I am the wealthiest of the people of
al-Madeenah (in another version: "... of the Ansaar"), so look to half of
my property and take it (in another version: "... and I will divide my
garden in half"). Also, I have two wives (and you, my brother in
Allaah, have no wife), so look to which of mine pleases you more, so I can
divorce her for you. Then upon the completion of the prescribed waiting
period, you may marry her." 'Abdur-Rahmaan said: "No, by Allaah, may
Allah bless you in your family and your property. Show me the way to the
market-place."And so they showed him the way to the market-place and he
went there. He bought and he sold and he made a profit. In the evening
,
he came back to the people of his house with some dried milk for
cooking and some ghee. After that some time elapsed, until he appeared one
day with traces of saffron on his garments. The Prophet said to him:
"What is this?" He said: "O Messenger of Allaah, I have married a woman
among the Ansaar." The Prophet answered: "What did you give her for her
dowry?" He answered: "The weight of five dirhams in gold." Then, the
Prophet said: "May Allaah bless you, give a feast if only with one sheep."
'Abdur-Rahmaan said: "I have seen myself in such a state that if I were
to lift a stone, I would expect to find some gold or silver under it."
Anas said: "I saw after his death that each of his wives inherited one
hundred thousand Dinars." [Al-Bukhaaree, an-Nasaa'ee and others].

Also on the authority of Anas he said: "I never saw the Prophet sponsor
such a wedding feast as the one he gave for Zainab. He slaughtered a
sheep and fed everyone meat and bread until they ate no more."
[Al-Bukhaaree, Muslim and others].


26. Wedding Feasts can be give with Other than Meat

It is allowed to give the wedding banquet with any food which is
available and affordable, even if that does not include meat. This is based
on the following hadeeth narrated by Anas: "The Prophet stayed between
Khaibar and al-Madeenah for three days during which he had entered with
his wife Safiya . Then I invited the Muslims to his Wedding feast.
There was neither meat nor bread at his feast. Rather, leather eating mats
were brought out and on them were placed dates, dried milk, and
clarified butter. The people ate their fill." [Al-Bukhaaree, Muslim and
others].


27. Participation of the Wealthy in the Feast with their Wealth

It is commendable for the wealthy to help in the preparations for the
wedding feast based on the hadeeth narrated by Anas about the Prophet's
marriage to Safiya: "Then, when we were on the road, Umm Sulaim
prepared her (Safiya) for him (the Prophet and brought her to him at night,
and so the Prophet awoke the next morning a new bridegroom. Then he said:
"Whoever has something, let him bring it." (In another version, he said
"Whoever has an excess of provisions, let him bring it.") Anas
continues: "And so the leather eating mats were spread out and one man would
bring dried milk, another dates and another clarified butter and so they
made Hais (hais is a mixture of the above three things). The people
then ate of this hais and drank from pools of rainwater which were nearby,
and that was the wedding feast of the Prophet." [Al-Bukhaaree, Muslims
and others]

salam, Ayesha
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